What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
