I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
