I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
