We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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