I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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