Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
