My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
