UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
