she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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