So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
