I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
