My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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