At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
