i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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