I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
how does that bad decision feel?
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