He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
