The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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