We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
