just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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