i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
