Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
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Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize