Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
