That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
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He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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