Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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