what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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