Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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