Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
nutella sex= disaster
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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