guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
