HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
