Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My dick has a subreddit
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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