Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
