I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
