my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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