just come out here and I will go home with you...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
