So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
