i don't plan on having that self control this summer
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
