just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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