The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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