thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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