where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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