Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we're chasing vodka with high fives
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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