She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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