Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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