4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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