Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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