fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just cropdusted the office
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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