I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
