literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize