who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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