"it" just moved
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
