Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
