youre lurking in front of me
Jerry, you need to find god
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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