But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
