What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
