i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
