If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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