I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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