u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
