I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
