Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Panties = found
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize