I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
