Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
