she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
