i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
