I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
