i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
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She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize