I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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