med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We smell like vodka and hangover
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
