Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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