i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
