she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize