i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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