I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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