College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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