somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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