Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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